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“PUT’N THE TURKEY IN THE CALL”
Strut-N Humor Submit a funny story to : struting_31@yahoo.com Old Timers; It Ain't My Fault; Bayou Fishin' Story; Broke Is Broke; Wise Old Indian; Lion Chase; Alabamians;
An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a check-up and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?" The old timer said, "I'm a turkey hunter and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out chasing turkeys up and down the mountains." The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?" The old timer said, "Who said my dad's DEAD?" The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?" The old timer said, "He's 100 yrs old and, in fact, he went turkey hunting with me this morning, and that's why he's still alive . He's a turkey hunter!" The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?" The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?" The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?" The old timer said, "He's 118 yrs old." The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I suppose he went turkey hunting with you this morning, too?" The old timer said, "No... Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got married." The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?" The old timer said, "Who said he wanted to?"
Late again," the third-grade teacher said to
little Sammy. "It ain't my
Bayou Fishin' Story He be bout reddy to leave when he seen a snake wit a big frog in his mouf. He knowed dat dem big bass fish like frogs, so he decided to steal dat froggie. Dat snake, he be a cotton moufed water moccasin so he had to be real careful or he'd get bit. He snuk up behine de snake and grabbed him roun de haid. Dat ole snake din't lak dat one bit. He squirmed and wrapped hisself roun Boudreaux's arm try'n to get hisself free. But Boudreaux, him, had a real good grip on his haid, yeh. Well, Boudreaux pried his mouf open and got de frog and puts it in his baitcan. Now, Boudreaux knows dat he cain't let go dat snake or his gonna bite him good, but he had a plan. He reach into de back pocket of his bib overhauls and pulls out a pint a moonshine likker. He pour some drops into de snakes mouf. Well, dat snake's eyeballs roll back in his haid and his body go limp. Wit dat Boudreaux toss dat snake into de bayou. Den he goes back to fishin'. A while later Boudreaux dun feel sumpin tappin' on his barefoot toe. He slowly look down and dare dat water moccasin was .......wit' two more frogs.
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money! I'M BROKE!!!" And she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" He said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.. "And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder." The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."
An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two
U.S. government officials sent to
interview him.
John came back from a safari in
Africa. Upon arrival, he went to his friend, Mark, and told him of his
adventures. I saw a huge lion, licking his chops and smiling at me. The lion started coming my way and I started running, with the lion not far behind. When the lion was almost at my neck, he suddenly slipped, and I got ahead a bit. The lion started gaining on me again, and as he got closer, once again he slipped. I happened to see a house not far away, so I made toward it. I got close to the house with the lion almost on top of me when he slipped for a third time.
With my very last bit of strength, I ran into the house and closed the door in
the lion's face."
1. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Alabama. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Alabama, plus a couple no one's seen before. 2. If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites. 3. Onced and Twiced are words. 4. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy. 5. And let us never forget, it's not a garden hose or simply hose, it's a "hosepipe" (one word). 6. Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic. 7. People actually grow and eat okra. 8. There ain't no such thing as "lunch". There's only dinner and then there's supper. 9. Backards and foreards means I know everything about you. You know you're from Alabama if 1. You measure distance in minutes. 2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. 3. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks. 4. Visiting Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime known as "going to wal-marts."or Wal-marks. 5. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store. 6. You know what "cow tipping" is. 7. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, chili powder, and catsup. No genuine Alabamian ever called it "Catsup". Down here it's "Ketchup" and let's not forget pepper sauce for the turnip greens! 8. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday. 9. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas. 10. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather. 11. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop... it's a Coke,regardless of brand or flavor. Example "What kinna coke you want?" 12. Fried Catfish is the other white meat.
Scott Maddux |
